Bad Advice
by Gillian Deverone
Summary: What if the advice you gave someone was the right advice for everyone and anyone but that person?
1. Chapter 1

**Bad Advice**

_A/N: This is my fifth fan fic (some X-Files stuff I wrote early on isn't on this site) and my first West Wing fan fiction. I found the series late (just this summer I slammed through all seasons in a few weeks) and I'm obsessed with Josh and Donna. Neither of them are the protagonist in this fic. She is made up and I guess slightly A/U, since no mention of her is made within the show/canon, but I've stayed true to everything that happened on the show, I've just added Dr. Brooke Bairstow, a friend of Donna's that we'll assume she e-mailed all the time, called every time that Josh let her leave the White House before 2 a.m. and who listened to everything that Donna confessed to her from the beginning to the end. Wow, long author's note. _

_Feedback is like the finest muffins and bagels in all the land._

**Prologue:**

I never thought I'd be this old, standing in a bridesmaid's dress, but here I am, almost 40 and wearing one and I couldn't be happier. This wedding has been coming for years—literally. It was danced around, whispered about, conjecture certainly played a role, but ultimately, the years proved that love can conquer all if you let it.

The bride is lovely, but it's easy to be when you are blonde and lithe and have teeth that are whiter than any bleach I've ever used (and they're natural.) Her hair is down, loose curls that are significant to the bride, to the groom and to three of the wedding guests (and possibly one cab driver, but we didn't track him down to ask.) Her gown is simple, tucked a bit to give a waist to someone who is so thin, but it accentuates her porcelain skin and she is wearing makeup that is tasteful and makes her glow, but I know that the mascara will be gone the minute that he sees her. Because he'll cry and then she'll cry and that'll be it for her makeup, but for now, it's perfect.

I adjust the strap of my cerulean gown (I'd suggested red as a wedding color, but she said that Josh preferred when she wore red dresses and remembering a story she told me once, I let that go and settled for blue) and turn toward her. "Donna?"I ask. Her mother has made last minute adjustments and went to be seated by Charlie, an usher, and aside from the flower girl, Miranda, who is sitting in a corner dropping rose petals into her basket, I'm the only woman left in the room with the bride, my best friend.

My eyes well with tears. A part of me can't really believe that after all these years, this is finally happening. "Yes?" she says and turns to me, her eyes mirroring mine. "Okay, Brooke, why are **you** crying?"

My words get stuck in my throat. "I feel like I'm in a romantic comedy and the leads are finally getting together," I say, earnestly, honestly. Donna laughs and the tears at the corners of her brilliant eyes spill down her cheeks.

"Me too," she says and we're both crying, for everything, for nothing, for all the years of friendship, for the years she missed with Josh because she was too afraid, because I gave her the best advice that turned out to be wrong. As if hearing my thoughts, Donna wipes her eyes carefully and says, "Remember all the times you told me to find someone else, move on, that this was never gonna happen?"

I start to object, to tell her that the advice was sound, that any other situation I should have—would have—been correct. Before I can voice my objections, though, Donna squeezes my arm softly and says, "Thank you."

I am taken aback. "What?" I say, a bit incredulous. Is she thanking me for good advice that was horrible in practice? I kept her from Josh for eight years.

"Brooke, you were my friend, you told me the truth when I didn't want to hear it, you kept me sane when he drove me crazy, the advice you gave, the advice I listened to, that's what got us here." She sounds reverent. I must look disbelieving, because she continues, her eyes now dry and thankfully, the mascara not gone or smudged. "Josh and I weren't ready then. We're ready now because we dated other people, because I quit, because I listened to you."

I sputter, "But you could have been having this day seven or eight years ago, and…" I look at her with what I hope is a twinkle in my eye, "I wouldn't be a 39 year old bridesmaid."

We both laugh and when Donna goes to get Mariah Santos and takes one last second to check her hair, I think she may be right. Maybe all my bad advice got her here: the day she becomes Donna Lyman.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_A/N: I'm having a little trouble with my timeline. I'm trying to make sure that everyone's ages are correct and that Josh and Donna waited a year after the election to get married, so if I messed something up with Brooke's age, that is my fault. I'm thinking Donna is 36ish when she gets married, so Brooke could be a little older. Right? Right._

_A/N 2: Also, I said I'd stay with canon, and I will, but I have to add a few things to get Brooke in the story and then add a few things to keep her there. So, if in an ep there was no way that Donna took time to call her friend, just pretend, okay?_

_Feedback: It's like Donna not stopping for red lights—you gotta do it._

Donna working for Josh had nothing to do with me, nor did her quitting to go back to Robert. That was before Donna and I met. Donna thought that Joshiah "Jed" Bartlet sounded like a good candidate and he sounded even better when her boyfriend (and I use the term loosely) broke up with her for the umpteenth time and she couldn't stand to stay in Wisconsin a second longer. Fibbing her way into the office, impressing Josh, getting to stay and be as important to him as oxygen? She did that all by herself. See, that's the problem. I get blamed for the advice that kept them apart, but if I'd be around for the "Should I work for Bartlet?" or "Should I go back to Robert and make it work?" era, then Donna could say, "In the beginning her advice was really good." because I would have told her to work for Bartlet (I voted for him twice) and for Josh (you could look at him in the papers and see he was gonna run the show one day) and I would have forbidden her to go back to Robert because he was no more the one for Donna than Toby is, but at least Toby is funny.

I met Donna six months into campaigning when she brought Sam (what a cutie!) into my office in Virginia, just on this side of D.C. Sam had fallen from a ladder while hanging a Bartlet for America sign and Donna had been entrusted (ordered?) to take him to a doctor. Sam didn't want to be in every paper, so she took him to a small family doctor's office she had seen near her dermatologist. ("With skin like that, you needed a dermatologist?" I used to ask.) I treated Sam, thinking all the while that she should get off her phone and pay attention to the man she was with. "Sorry, Sam, Josh couldn't find 'the thing'," she reported and they both laughed. Not in on the joke, I examined his wrist, declared it not broken, wrapped it, gave him a prescription for pain meds and sent them on their way.

When Donna returned two days later to retrieve her sunglasses that had been left behind, my receptionist was at lunch and I helped Donna look for them. She seemed nice and I guess she thought I did too, because we were having a great conversation about politics, but we were interrupted several times by her cell phone. She apologized and took the calls, but kept talking to me and I was enjoying it. I had friends, of course, but Donna was a little younger, and I liked her vivacity and the way she seemed to worship the man she swore would be the next president. Finally, after the phone had rang six times in 20 minutes, Donna finished the call and turned to me. "Dr. Bairstow, I do apologize for taking up so much of your time. Thanks for helping me find my sunglasses. I do have to get back though. Josh can't live without me."

I assumed she meant her husband and I agreed. "Chris would forget his head if I didn't remind him to take it with him each morning." Donna laughed and I smiled and it felt warm, friendly.

"Josh is actually my boss," she said and walked toward the door. "Would you wanna grab lunch or something sometime?" she asked shyly, as if she wasn't sure I'd want to.

"Sure—if Josh can stop calling you for two minutes," I joked. "When is good for you?"

"I'll have to check my calendar and call you, but I should warn you…" she trailed off and I thought, 'Oh, great, this is when the crazy comes out.'

"Yeah?" I prompted.

"My life is very hectic and I work for Josh…Lyman and I get called away a lot, so if I have to cancel or run out, please don't be offended." She smiled. "I just want to warn you up front." At the point, I had no idea who Josh Lyman was or how right she was.

I smiled. "Sure. Call my receptionist and book lunch one day."

She smiled, a true, big smile that time. "Okay. Bye, Dr. Bairstow."

"I think you can call me Brooke, Donna."

Another huge smile and she was gone.

That was almost ten years ago and we've been friends ever since. We've been through everything together: the birth of my child, Grace; Josh being shot, Donna being blown up, Chris and I separating for all of a day, Donna realizing she was in love with Josh, but still dating Cliff and Jack; what I wasn't around for was her leaving Josh and the Bartlet campaign for about six weeks to go back to Robert. When we talked about it later, she said it was a mistake and when I pressed for more information, Donna withdrew a bit and said she was running from Josh, not to Robert and she'd made a horrible mistake. I was so tempted to ask what she meant by "running from Josh" but somewhere in my heart, I knew. She had fallen for him early and she couldn't love him and work for him, so she left. I nodded without making her say it aloud, but I did ask one more question: "Why come back?" When she told me the stopping for a beer story, I was disgusted, but I laughed.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"No," I cried, as my laughter got louder and longer and seemed to mock her even more.

"Yes, you are."

"No, it's just who in the hell does that?" After I said that and kept laughing, Donna cracked a smile and then joined in and soon the Mexican restaurant we were eating (and drinking margaritas) in was a lot louder. We couldn't control ourselves.

When we both got control, Donna wiped her eyes and grew serious. "Josh took me back."

"That's good." I wanted to say that he couldn't live without her, that he was lucky she came back, that she was lucky he didn't say more than he did, but instead I kept my mouth shut. I didn't know Donna that well and who was I to stick my nose in?

"Yes, it is. I'm so happy with Jo…at the White House," she said and took the last drink of her margarita.

I ignored the slip, finished my drink, paid the check and we walked out—me to go home to bed, her back to work at 9:00 on a Sunday night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews and comments. I'm so glad to see people are still reading TWW fan fic. Also, Zybutrin is made up. Don't run off to Target to find it when you're sick._

_Feedback: It's what Donna is to Josh: loved._

Her voice is dull, haunted, devoid of anything bright or cheerful or even living. "Josh has been hurt."

I'm busy typing up my notes for a medical conference I'm presenting at in two days and not giving Donna my full attention. "How?" I ask and keep typing. A paper cut for Mr. Josh Lyman, Deputy Chief of Staff for the Bartlet administration may be important to Donna; it is not to me.

"He's been shot." She doesn't cry, but a sob escapes that is pathetic.

I stop what I'm doing and truly listen. I've been so engrossed in what I'm doing that I haven't turned on the tv. I take time do so and see that shots were fired at the president and his daughter and everything is big, fat mess and that Josh Lyman is…

"I had to bribe my way into the hospital, I knew a secret service agent and he let me pass and I went to check on the president and then Toby told me that Josh had been…" she pauses, takes a deep breath. Again, she doesn't cry. Why do I keep expecting her to? "…shot. In the chest, near his heart."

"Oh." It's all I can say. As an American citizen, a patriot, I'm alarmed and scared. As a doctor, I'm curious. As Donna's friend, I know this is bad—very bad. I try again. "What do you know?"

Again, the lifeless voice, like she is on auto repeat. "Not much. I'm not family, his mom can't get here, they won't even tell Sam anything…"

"That's protocol." I try to reassure her, let her know this isn't personal.

"I'm so scared, Brooke," she admits and I hear a female voice in the background: "Donna?"

"Hang on, Brooke," Donna says, followed by, "Yes, CJ?"

I can't really hear what CJ says, but Donna returns quickly. "They are going to let me see him. I'll call you later." She hangs up before I can say anything.

I say a quick prayer for Josh. I don't know him well, but he works for someone I admire and someone that I love works for him.

When I'm done praying, I watch a little more of CNN, but it's just a repeat of the cycle and they have no new news to offer, so they offer up conjecture and innuendo and opinions.

I sit back in my office chair and think. Were they trying to hit Josh? Is it because he's Jewish? Was it an accident that he was hit and not someone else? Why wasn't Donna at the function? How close to his heart was the shot?

I force myself to finish up my notes, print them, shut off the lights, lock the door and head home to Chris.

_Weeks Later:_

"Dr. Bairstow, Donna is on line 2," Ali, my secretary says from the doorway, holding a stack of files.

"Thanks," I say and turn to pick up the phone. "Donna?"

"I need some advice." Donna doesn't wait for me to say I'll give it to her. "Josh is ready to be discharged and I'm going to take care of him. I have to. Not because it's my job or anything like that, but because I just have to and I need to and I guess I kinda want to and the nurses and doctors are giving me all these instructions and I think most of them think I'm his girlfriend and his mom went home two days ago and…" She pauses, but I don't say anything. Obviously, she needs me to hear all this. Donna and I have only been friends for a couple of years, but I know what she does and doesn't need by her tone and right now, she needs me to listen.

"I feel as though I'm too scared to do it, but I have to do it and I guess if I have medical questions, I can ask you, but I'm gonna have to stay with him and he doesn't have a spare bed, but I'll just stay on the couch, and obviously I'll have to leave him so I can check in at the office. Maybe Sam can check on him some, CJ maybe, I'm too scared to ask Toby…" Again, she pauses, but she's not done. This silence continues a while. Maybe I was wrong.

"Donna, I didn't hear a question in there anywhere," I say gently.

"Tell me that I'm doing the right thing," she says and she sounds like my husband when he wants to go to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. He knows he's wrong, but he wants me to say it's okay.

I sigh. "Donna, Josh is your boss," I start, but she interrupts me.

"I know that."

"Do you?" I say, not unkindly, but my point is there.

"Yes," Donna says, but her voice is higher than normal and certainly higher than the tone she's been using on this call. She sounds almost petulant.

"Donna," I start, but I stretch her name a little and she hears it.

"If I don't help him, who will?"

I choose my words carefully. "Donna, you are a wonderful person and there is nothing wrong with helping Josh. His mom in Florida and everyone that he's close to working at the White House, I get it and I think that is fine, but that isn't why you are doing this."

"Josh is my best friend and I'm his." It's an excuse she wants me to take.

"I know. But, he is still your boss…" I hesitate. Once I say it, I can't unsay it. "And you're already in love with him."

She doesn't gasp, she doesn't argue, for a minute I think she has hung up. "I know," she whispers, as if afraid someone might hear her and know what she's talking about.

"Donna," I start again, but I'm interrupted again.

"Brooke, I have to do this!" Her voice is firm.

"Then why did you ask my advice?" I ask. It's not harsh, but I am miffed. She does this a lot. She asks what I think and then does what she wants anyway.

"I wanted to talk it through, I guess," she says, but her voice has life again.

I wait a beat and try to be nice while still being firm. "Donna, this won't end well. He's your boss, you're his assistant, you have two more years in the White House, probably four more after that, and you both are already doing a bad job of hiding how you feel. I know how wonderful you are and I know you are going to go take care of Josh no matter what I say, but you need to know how it is going to look and what it is going to mean to you and him and the situations it is going to put you in. Living there, being at his beck and call, it'll be almost like a marriage. Almost."

Donna's voice has gone back to dead, unfeeling, scared: "Brooke, I know you're right, but it doesn't change anything. I have to do this. And I don't think we're married."

"Okay," I say and then, "Goodbye. Good luck."

_Months Later:_

Donna picks up Josh's line. I've been calling her there for months now and Josh has only answered once. I wished him a speedy recovery and he thanked me for the help I'd given Donna and him (I swear he sounded like a grateful husband: "Donna and I really appreciate your help".) "Hello?"

"Donna? It's Brooke. Are you busy?" Sometimes when I call she is so busy with Josh I just hang up and don't wait for her to call me again. Donna and I are friends, I really enjoy the time I spend with her, but I also know that my friendship will never compare with her need for Josh. I'm strangely okay with it.

"No. Josh is napping. How are you?" Donna sounds exhausted.

"The Post is saying that Josh is returning to the White House at the end of the week. You hadn't mentioned it, but then we hadn't talked in a while, so I thought I'd check in and see if they got it right this time."

"I'm sorry I haven't call…" she starts.

"Don't apologize. That wasn't a guilt trip. Continue," I say.

She laughs, a true laugh. "You're the best, Brooke. Yes, Josh and I are returning full time Friday. He's been there for a few meetings, a photo op, stuff like that, but I'm making him return on a Friday and then not go in on the weekend. We'll see how next week goes."

"Sounds like you have it all figured out," I say. "What does Josh say?"

Donna hesitates for a minute and tries to laugh it off, "He does pretty much whatever I say."

I indulge her with a laugh. "Donna, I know you don't like to leave Josh alone, but can we meet for a quick coffee or lunch today? It's important."

She hesitates. I wonder if she is thinking of an excuse. "Is everything okay?" she asks.

"Yes, I just need to see you in person."

"It has to be quick…" she relents.

"An hour. Plato's?" I ask, mentioning a sandwich place not too far from Josh's apartment.

"Okay. I'll leave Josh and note and meet you in ten minutes," she says, but she doesn't sound happy or excited to see me. I try not to take it personally.

After I hang up, I drive, taking the time to think about the situation that Donna is in. Donna loves Josh. I don't know if he loves her, but I suspect he does and I think if I would go through this for Chris. I married him, so of course I would, but he wasn't my boss, we didn't have the world watching our relationship because of where we worked. But, if he was and if they did, I would have done what Donna is doing. You can't help who you love and I know that. I want to be supportive, I want Donna to know I sympathize, even if I can't empathize, but I also want to be a voice of reason with Donna. Someone has to be. From what I can tell, the people at the White House just ignore the undercurrent between Josh and Donna and hope for the best. At the very least I think CJ would have a problem, but I don't know her (except what I see on C-Span) so I'm not sure what she does and doesn't know.

I see Donna sitting at an outside table, sipping a lemonade. I wave and head inside. I order a water with lemon and a turkey club and go to the table Donna is at. I sip my water as she says, "Hey. How are you?" The voice is too high, too sweet, she is trying too hard.

"I'm fine. How's Josh?"

At this, she lights up. "So much better. He gets better every day. We both are so thankful for all the help you've given," she says and I again hear the 'we' she offers; it's the same conversation I had with Josh a few weeks ago.

"You're welcome. I was happy to help. How are you?"

She seems surprised by the question. "Me? I'm fine."

"You've been taking care of Josh, running back and forth to the White House, had no break for months that I can tell…" I stop as a waiter puts a turkey club in front of me, a Caesar salad in front of Donna.

"I'm fine," she says and it's final.

"Donna," I begin, but she knows. It's like she's psychic or something.

"I know you don't approve of Josh and I's rel…frien…me doing what I'm doing, and you're probably right, logically, but I did it, I don't regret it, and I don't want to talk about it if you are going to…"

I cut her off. "Donna, I owe you an apology."

"What?" she asks, her fork midway to her mouth, her eyes wide.

"Josh is your Chris."

She thinks for a moment, knowing the love I feel for my husband, how I had to fight for him in college and to keep us together through my med school years and she smiles. Tears form at her eyes and then they are running freely. "Yes." She dabs at her tired eyes with her napkin. "Yes, he is. Dammit."

I chuckle. "I think it's great that you love someone, I really do, and if he loves you?"

She shakes her head. "I don't think he does. Not like that."

" I disagree." I pause for a minute. If she doubts his love, maybe she'll be okay, but I feel as though I should be honest with her.

"You do?" she asks, hopeful. 'Damn,' I think.

"Two weeks ago, you went to check in with Leo and Josh got very nauseous. He didn't know who else to call, so he called me," I start, but Donna stops me.

"I knew I shouldn't have left him for so long, but Leo needed 504 and…"

I put my hand up. "Donna?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up and listen." She smiles and takes a sip of lemonade, then motions me to continue.

" He apologized for bothering me, but he said that since I'm a doctor and your friend, he needed my help. I went over and gave him some Zybutrin to help with the nausea. As I was leaving, he thanked me again and asked me not tell you, said that it would just worry you…"

_Two Weeks Ago:_

_ "It'll just worry her," Josh says and leans back against the couch, looking ill._

_ "I won't say anything," I say. "The meds should kick in soon and you'll feel better. If the nausea becomes vomiting, call me or go to the emergency room. The pain of throwing up would kill you."_

_ He smiles and I turn to the door to let myself out. "I love her, you know."_

_ I nod, my back still to him, but I don't say anything._

_ "I know you think I take advantage, but I don't aim to, it's just that she is my friend and she's my Donna and I…I need her," he says. I wonder for just a moment if he actually knows what he's saying._

_ "Josh, I don't think badly of you, I really don't. I just worry about Donna. You know…you know, don't you?"_

_ "Yes, but I can't do anything. I'm her boss, we work for the president, for God's sake. Even if I transferred her…"_

_ "Josh, it is what is. I see that. I'm just not sure Donna can. Even if she could, she wouldn't do anything different. When you love someone…"_

_ "Yeah," he says and then he's asleep, the injury and the nausea catching up with him._

_The Café:_

"…and then he said some things that lead me to believe he feels the same way, but…"

"Yes?" she asks, leaning forward, her elbows on the table.

"If I tell you…Donna, do you really want to know? Do you want to go back to the White House, having spent the time with him that you have and know what I now know and deal with that? If you do, I'll tell you."

She deflates. "No, I guess I don't wanna know," she says, but her voice betrays how badly she needs to hear it, even if it's from me.

I try for humor. "I'll tell you this. You're not the only crazy one in this dance of two."

She laughs. For a few minutes, we eat. Actually, I eat and she pushes the lettuce around her plate.

"Is there something you called me here for?" she asks, as she checks her watch. We've been here for about 47 minutes by my count, but knowing her, she started counting the minute she left Josh.

"Yes. I wanted to see if you'd be the godmother."

"To who?" she asks, and then understands. "You and Chris?"

"I'm seven weeks pregnant," I say and I know I'm beaming.

For the first time since Rosslyn, Donna looks truly happy. "Congratulations. I'm so happy for you," she says and she seems to truly mean it. She comes around the table to hug me. Now this is the friend I remember, this is the Donna that I enjoy being around. I have to try to remember that Donna lives a stressful life and she needs me to be there for her, less judgmental. I'll try, I vow.

For the rest of the lunch (all 13 minutes of it) there is no mention of Josh Lyman.


	4. Chapter 4

**Bad Advice 4**

_A/N: Sorry for the long wait to update. I've only seen each ep once, so I had to do some research. I'm operating under the "the shooting happened in May" theory. Thanks for all the views and comments._

_Reviews: Are given as much respect and diligence as Josh's blue/red state map._

"I don't know how to help him," Donna says and she sounds so concerned.

I sigh. I know what I'm going to say, I know I won't be proud of it later, I know that it'll hurt Donna, but I'm very pregnant and I'm so damn tired of hearing about Josh 24 hours a day. "I'm not a psychiatrist. What in the hell do you want me to do about it?" My tone is snarky, rude, and makes me feel a little better.

Donna takes in a sharp breath. It's so loud I can hear it over the phone. "Brooke…" She is going to reprimand me, I just know it. I've been baiting her for a month now. I'm tired of hearing about Josh, I'm tired of being pregnant, I'm tired of Donna not caring I'm pregnant and I really want some Taco Bell. If Josh wanted Taco Bell, Donna would drive to Mexico, but me…She's saying something. "I know you are very pregnant and I know I call you about him all the time and I swear after you help me with this, I'll talk to you about you and Chris and the baby…"

I hang up.

_35 minutes later_

"I deserved that."

"Probably, but I shouldn't have done it."

"I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

"At least you can blame the pregnancy hormones."

I chuckle. "Your boss suffered a horrible tragedy and you're his friend and you…care about him and he obviously needs help and I'm being whiney and selfish."

"What do I do?"

I turn over carefully and it takes me a while. Donna must know I'm doing something that isn't me being mad or hanging up on her, because she waits. "Talk to Leo." God, I feel like I work at the White House, too. I can't remember some of my patient's names lately, but I know Leo and CJ and Toby and God help me, Josh.

"And say what?"

"The truth."

"What if I'm wrong?"

"Donna, have you ever been wrong about Josh?"

She doesn't answer, but I know the answer: no.

"How are you?"

"I'm seven month pregnant, Chris is in the middle of a trial and never home, I only work fours a day, and my best friend is dealing with a traumatic situation that it is even sadder than me." I laugh, but it's hollow.

"Brooke," Donna starts, but I cut her off.

"Donna, I love you, but hang up and go talk to Leo."

I can hear her smile. "Thank you," she whispers and hangs up.

I turn up the volume on Oprah and try not to feel pathetic and unloved. When Josh is better, I must ask him to teach me how to be center of everyone's universe.

_Two months and 1 week later:_

While I'm giving birth to Grace, Josh and Donna are looking at numbers with Joey Lucas about the State of the Union. Donna visited, brought a gift, told me how beautiful my daughter was and how gorgeous I looked. Chris gave the trial to his second chair for a week and surprisingly, Joshua Lyman called from the White House and congratulated me and then said, "Thanks for telling Donna to talk to Leo." I just said "Yep" and we hung up. I guess I don't need to get Josh to teach me anything after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_A/N: I have no good excuse for the time it took to update. Shame on me. I'm sorry. Life got in the way, but I HATE when people don't update and you like the story._

_Feedback: I see all the views and NO feedback? Shame on you._

I never personally met Mandy or Amy. I saw pictures of both and Donna had plenty to say about both, but I never actually met them. I did meet Jack and Cliff, but I couldn't understand what Donna saw beyond the looks. Joey Lucas is a whole other story.

Mandy was a lot like me actually, but "more" somehow: more in-your-face, more opinionated, more in charge of who she was and who she wanted everyone else to be. That's how I saw her, anyway. Donna saw someone she was nothing like and couldn't stand and just wished her gone. I knew why Donna didn't like Mandy, especially after she had told me about the campaign and the ups and downs of Josh and Mandy's relationship and even more so after she told me (and showed me) the picture she had found and subsequently stolen from Josh's office. After we talked about how wrong it was for her to take it, we then spent the night analyzing what it meant, whether they looked happy in it, whether they would get back together, how the sex was, everything you can think of. Now, at this point, Donna and I hadn't talked about her feelings for Josh. We made a game of this, pretending that it was nothing more than a secretary finding out something about her boss and gossiping with her best friend, but we both knew it was more.

Donna returned the photo, Josh none the wiser, and after Mandy up and left the White House with no explanation, Donna didn't mention the name again—until Amy came along.

Now, if Mandy was me, but "more", then Amy was a mama bear, but "more." She scared the shit out me and I never even met her. The stories around DC about Amy were legendary, even if you weren't in politics, and coupling that with the fact that I didn't find her very pretty (not even as Donna's best friend, but truly, she wasn't a pretty woman) I didn't understand why Josh was with her. I didn't know him inside out like Donna did, but after she made a few snide comments about Amy, even going as far as saying that she'd take Mandy back over Amy any day, I went delving.

Donna hated Amy with the passion usually reserved for someone who killed your dog. She cited numerous reasons and while I could see the jealousy and regret right under the surface, I think the real reason that Donna didn't like Amy was because she wasn't good for Josh. Donna had decided if she couldn't have Josh, then he should be with someone deserving. In fairness, I don't think anyone would have ever been good enough, but I must agree with Donna that Amy wasn't for Josh. I wasn't Josh's biggest fan, mostly because I didn't know him all that well and because when I saw him, he was mostly in a foul mood, but I saw through Donna's eyes the Josh she was in love with, and he was pretty irresistible. The Josh I saw from her point of view was handsome and smart and caring and desirable and everything any woman could ever want.

We spent a lot of time wondering why they were together. This was the one point in Donna's tenure at the White House that she and I got to spend a lot of time together. Whether it was Amy Take 1 (me—not a mom) or Amy Take 2 (me—a mom) Donna was at my house more because Josh left to be with Amy and no boss usually meant no work. In a way, I was grateful to Amy, but I saw what the relationship did to Donna and it made me hate Amy a bit, too.

When Donna told me what Amy had done with the fish, I was appalled, but not really surprised. I think women like her want to play in the big leagues, roll with the boys so to speak. I am not some 1950's housewife and I certainly would call myself a feminist, but I didn't feel the need to keep up men in the gross humor department, either. I don't think Josh ever admitted to Donna that Amy did it, but we both knew. How could we not? She was threatened by him and made her point. Why Josh ever got back together with her, I'll never know. At that point, Donna dropped even lower. She made some bad choices, slept with a couple guys she shouldn't have, but I didn't judge. What would I have done if I saw Chris every day, and couldn't be with him? I'd probably make some bad choices too.

Amy stuck around like a bad penny and she's still around. She always will be. That is something Donna has had to come to terms with. I don't think she's jealous anymore and she certainly trusts Josh with her life, but I don't think she trusts Amy; the thing is that Amy is a major political operative and so are Josh and Donna and they have to find a way to work together. Donna only said one thing as the wedding neared about Amy and it wasn't said with any hatefulness or rudeness. In fact the tone was neutral. When I asked if Amy was invited, she said: "She's not coming." It was final, with no room for argument. I left it at that.

Now, as for Jack and Cliff, they were "tries." I told Donna that she had to try to move on, to date, to find someone that she could love and adore. I knew how she felt about Josh and I'm as romantic as the next woman, but I didn't think it could work, at least not then. I knew they loved each other and I hoped they could get it together one day, but I was also realistic. They worked at the White House. Josh lived for his work, Donna lived for Josh. I dared to bring up once that she transfer and she looked at me as if I'd slapped her. I never brought it up again.

When I met Jack, I thought he was cute, if a little short, and I loved his voice. It was unique, gruff, almost east coast. He was a gentlemen (or so I thought) and we laughed and talked. I liked him until he did was he did. Granted, Donna shouldn't have covered, but she did; the part I hated was Josh's reaction. Most people would think I'd be happy that he left a party, brought his friends, got Donna, did romantic things, told her she was beautiful and whisked her away to the party with her sitting on his lap. Most people would be wrong. Yes, it was romantic and like a scene from a 1920's movie (at least in my mind) but all it did was confuse things. It told Donna how he really felt without him risking much and it made her sweep Jack under the rug.

Cliff? Same thing. She did something bad and Josh had to fix it. Donna didn't even tell ME everything that she had written that Josh and Cliff saw, but she did allude. I'd have died if someone that I loved but couldn't tell had seen what I'd written about them. Donna was worried about that, of course, but more so of going to jail, so I didn't push too hard for details. All she did say was that Josh was her knight in shining armor and that she wouldn't be seeing Cliff anymore. What I wanted to say was, "Because of what you two did or because you're so in love with your knight?" but I didn't. When I told Chris later, he said it was a great line, but better I didn't use it.

And Joey Lucas? I liked that woman from the first time Donna told me about her, even more when I met her and wanted to marry her myself when she told me what she'd said to Josh about Donna and her deflecting. Let me explain. When Donna told me about Joey, I thought she sounded great, but when Donna added that Josh should date Joey and seemed to have a crush on her, I balked. "I don't think so," I said and sipped my wine.

"What?" Donna asked incredulously.

"He has professional love for her, but he doesn't like her."

"Yes, he does," Donna argued.

"Why do you want him to like her so bad?" I asked.

Donna stopped. "I don't. He just does."

"No, he doesn't." The conversation ended when we both realized it had deteriorated to "Uh, huh, Nuh uh" status.

Later, Donna told me about the hotel room. I raised an eyebrow when she said she was on Josh's bed in his hotel room, but she played it off as one of those things she's expected to do as his assistant—come in to his hotel room and WORK. I let it go and she proceeded to tell me that she'd goaded Josh (my word, not hers) into going to Joey's room where he found her with a man. I wasn't surprised, Donna was, but my question was this: "Did Josh seem upset?"

"Well…"

"Well what?"

"Not as much as you'd think?"

"You mean like you care and he doesn't because he doesn't like Joey like that?"

"I think he was just pretending to be strong," Donna commented.

"And how many times has Josh done that for your benefit?"

"Well…"

I met Joey at a Democratic fundraiser months after the whole "Josh likes Joey/No he doesn't" argument with Donna. I didn't know who she was, but we were introduced by my husband's boss, who was a friend of her father's. When I put two and two together I talked to her (and Kenny) for a good hour at the party, neither of us too concerned we were being rude and ignoring other people. When I casually mentioned that I was friends with Donna, Joey smiled and looked like she was in on a joke that no one else knew. "Donna. She is blind." I thought for a minute that Kenny was shortening what Joey was signing, but he wasn't. I nodded.

"She has to be," I said and it was Joey's turn to nod. We exchanged business cards (what would **I** ever need with a pollster?) and I went to find Chris, Joey to schmooze with D.C.'s elite.

She called me much later to regale me with a story. At first when Ali said that a Joey Lucas was on the phone for me and would like to speak to me privately, I racked my brain for a patient named Joey. Then, it clicked. I answered the phone and heard Kenny's voice. "Hello, Dr. Bairstow. It's Kenny, Joey's interpreter. She wants to tell you a funny story and would like you to meet her for drinks this afternoon if you are free." I quickly agreed and left promptly from my office at 5:00 to meet her. She wasted no time in having Kenny tell me what she had said to Josh about polling and Donna and misdirection (he'd obviously been there through the original and even he couldn't help himself from smiling).

"What did Josh say?" I dared to ask.

Joey looked a bit confused, a bit coy, and then signed to Kenny, "He tried, but ended up saying nothing. I think they think it's a secret and no one has dared mention it before. He seemed sad."

I nodded. "She's my best friend and I never know what to tell her. Theirs is one case where it is truly complicated and love doesn't conquer all."

Joey smiled, a bit sadly. "Life is too short for complications."

"Maybe," I said, "but Donna and Josh seem to think they'll outgrow it, forget it, or wait until Bartlet leaves the White House," I said.

Kenny interjected without waiting for Joey to respond. "As if Josh will be done with politics when Bartlet is," he scoffed and then looked at Joey. "Sorry."

She responded verbally: "Couldn't have said it better myself."


End file.
